Not dating enough

08-May-2020 00:35

My friends used to call it “planting seeds.” Everyone who’s ever dated is familiar with the practice (unless you’re Mike Pence, whose self-imposed ban on dining alone with women who aren’t his wife seems less insane in light of the term’s recent popularity).

What’s bothersome is that some self-serving internet personality felt compelled to attach a term to this common practice, and that everyone else on the internet ran with it, debating its merits and exactly how widespread it is.

Far be it for me to compare myself to Gene Kelly (or even one of his movie characters), but I had a similar pattern in my relationships.

Inevitably, at some point in the beginning of the relationship, I would experience a wave of intense guilt and self-conscious hubris: how dare I think that I'm good enough for this amazing person?

Kelly's character certainly had some reason to think so, given the wealth and fame a Broadway career could offer Hayworth that he couldn't, though what she really wanted was his love.

It's hard to ignore something as obvious as height, especially if it makes a person stand out.

This trend arguably started with the introduction of the “friend zone,” shorthand for when a man wants to date a woman, but she relegates him to friendship status.“Friend zone” has become part of the modern lexicon, and is indeed handy for describing situations of unrequited love and all the accompanying anxiety.

But it’s also inspired a generation of writers to try to coin their own dating terms.

Plus, navigating the world of dating is already a mess, so being on an extreme end of any physical spectrum doesn't exactly make it any easier.

Kevin: I'm not one to complain about being short, because once you realize you can shop in the children's section and climb on top of things to get to out-of-reach objects, you're pretty much on a level playing field with the rest of the world. I think a lot of guys fetishize the height gap and say things like, "I'm so into you because you're so short," or "It's really hot knowing that I could lift you up in bed," etc.

It's hard to ignore something as obvious as height, especially if it makes a person stand out.

This trend arguably started with the introduction of the “friend zone,” shorthand for when a man wants to date a woman, but she relegates him to friendship status.“Friend zone” has become part of the modern lexicon, and is indeed handy for describing situations of unrequited love and all the accompanying anxiety.

But it’s also inspired a generation of writers to try to coin their own dating terms.

Plus, navigating the world of dating is already a mess, so being on an extreme end of any physical spectrum doesn't exactly make it any easier.

Kevin: I'm not one to complain about being short, because once you realize you can shop in the children's section and climb on top of things to get to out-of-reach objects, you're pretty much on a level playing field with the rest of the world. I think a lot of guys fetishize the height gap and say things like, "I'm so into you because you're so short," or "It's really hot knowing that I could lift you up in bed," etc.

165-172, for a scholarly consideration of this theme, which he considers a central paradox of love: "The lover strives to be recognized by a person whose recognition has worth only when withheld.") Was this simply negative thinking on my part (as the cognitive psychologists would put it)?